oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
