would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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