im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
