He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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