i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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