He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
