I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
