why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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