So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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