Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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