All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
