I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
