he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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