sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
