dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
