my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
