you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
