they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
