He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
