You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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