dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
