Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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