His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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