don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
