just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
