so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
