You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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