Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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