Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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