new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
