The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize