i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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