I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
