wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
