woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
