I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
