New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My dick has a subreddit
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
