Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
