last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
