i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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