I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
