puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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