I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
