Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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