did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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