how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
