he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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