Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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