why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
