party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
