You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I need a beard to bite.
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