There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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