We got so high we made milksteak
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
