Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
