I don't remember. Are we still dating?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
