I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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