mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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