DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
