she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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