bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
