Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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