she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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