I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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