So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
