Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
