I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
