I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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