you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
