I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
