I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
