Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
