Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
