a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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