How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the condom got lost in my hair
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
