Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
