gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
