i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
