Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
