I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
