I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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