Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
