I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
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The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
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He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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