Screwed.edu
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
