awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
