Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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