I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
